John Mayer what am I supposed to do? I can’t defend you this time. I’ve always been able to play the douchebag with a heart of gold card when people would hate on you because you’re smart and funny and talented and you know, sometimes that reads as DOUCHE. No one who would willingly let himself be photographed in that neon green abomination “the Borat Swimsuit” could be a bad guy. I’m 100% sure I come off as some kind of bitch when I attempt to make the lulz so I was totally sympathizing with you but shiiiiiiit. What am I supposed to say now when people say “fuck that heroin-eyes looking motherfucker!”? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? And what makes it even more frowny face is that I just spent a good month dealing with people coming at me with some idiotic “I just don’t find blk women attractive” mess and HERE YOU GO. I guess I could say “but look he’s trying to say he knows it’s wrong!” but you’re 32. The time to grow the fuck up has long passed. Why did you do me dirt like this John? At this moment I wish I weren’t 100% digital because I would take all your CDs and beat those motherfuckers with a hammer. No I wouldn’t. BUT I WOULD BLOG ABOUT IT IN THE HYPERBOLIC MANNER THAT I DO EVERYTHING.
Are you on drugs? Do you have tertiary syphilis from fucking only white bitches? WHAT IS IT? The white matter in your frontal lobe is suffering from some srs deterioration. I am very sad today. I heard about your tomfoolery yesterday but I was like “eh, whatever he’s just bein’ miley” BUT GODDAMN then I read your interview and YOU ARE CRAY-CRAY. I think you must have been poisoned from the dye in that stupid sleeve of yours.
Look John, I know you were probably in it for the RAW INTELLECTUAL LULZ and I do get what you were trying to say. But check it, you are not Paul Mooney. I don’t care how many rap choruses you sing you are still white so shut it down bro or at least keep that shit between you and friends. Fuck, my roommate is white and one of his favorite jokes is Chris Rock’s “Throw some sand on that nigga!” regarding Jermaine Jackson’s consistently greasy-ass face, but he wont say that shit in mixed company! Tact is free John. Use it liberally.
And you know whatelse?! Your last album was not good enough for all this. When R. Kelly micturated all over that child I was like EW then he dropped Chocolate Factory and I was like PEE ON WHOEVER YOU WANT JUST KEEP MAKING JAMS. Battle Studies is… not great. Make another Continuum and you can drop all the n-bombs you want. Ok, well not unlimited. Like 4.
pure rant gold
